Tips for Taking Control of Television

by Ramona Hall, MA

During school vacations many children have more unstructured time. Too often, that time is filled with television, online game playing, and DVD viewing rather than with play activities with other children. Parents should be aware that excessive television viewing decreases opportunities to engage in the socializing and cognitive development aspects of play, while exposing children to a variety of negative effects associated with excessive and unmonitored viewing.

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) has a solid body of evidence gathered over the course of the past three decades which reveals some interesting nationwide trends regarding television. One study showed that the typical child will witness 8,000 murders and 100,000 other acts of violence by the time she leaves elementary school. Indeed by the end of high school the average child will have spent 12, 000 hours in school and 18,000 hours watching television. Today, the average elementary age child watches 20 to 30 hours of television per week. And, too often, the youngster is viewing the television in his or her bedroom where parents are unable to monitor the amount of time spent on viewing or the content of programs.

Social science and child development research indicates that excessive television viewing in elementary years (defined as more than 10 hours per week) negatively impacts development in areas of socialization, attention, and language. Limited television viewing (less than 10 hours per week) is associated with higher reading scores and pro-social school behaviors. Pediatricians recommend that children under 2 years of age should not view television at all. And, new brain research indicates that the activity levels for the brain and body slow during television viewing which affects both weight management and learning.

Television, however, is not the enemy. As a medium if offers a wide range of exciting learning and values clarification opportunities. It is parents who have a responsibility to know what children are viewing and to help them analyze and understand content through the filter of family values. Parent and child discussions over program content also helps ensure that learning is interactive. Passive viewing does not improve comprehension, retention, or long term memory for new information.

When television viewing is a planned, monitored activity, parents are able to effectively use it to enhance critical thinking and develop social awareness and problem-solving skills in children. It can also serve as a source of free-play inspiration by extending show themes into art and drama activities.

Currently, seventy-five percent of parents set no limits on the amount of time their children spend watching television. The summer school break provides an opportunity to change that by re-thinking family rules about television use. Parents can eliminate unplanned viewing and reduce the amount of time spent watching. They can moderate viewing by knowing the content and by asking questions about values, events, and social issues. Through discussion of plot, fantasy, and format parents can help develop critical thinking skills. Then, parents can shut-off the set and encourage play activities with other children.

Summer Learning Activities for the Whole Family

By

Ramona Hall, MA, NCSP

www.ramonahalleducationalpsychology

             Do you remember those times last summer when the relentless sound of “I’m bored.” made you count the days until the start of the new school year?  Most kids celebrate the beginning of summer vacation but, too often, run out of things to do before the summer ends.  The resulting restlessness and boredom can lead to fights among siblings and way too much screen time.  A clever parent who has good survival skills knows that having a plan in place at the start of vacation is the key to a peaceful summer.  I recommend you include family activities that are local, inexpensive, and educational.  Reading and local trips are available that entertain and educate all family members.           

            Reading is an inexpensive way to involve children in new learning experiences.  Library books are free and attending library activities provides opportunities for children to learn while socializing with other children.  The act of reading expands one’s knowledge base, increases fluency and vocabulary, decreases screen time, and develops a broader understanding of the world outside our local environment.  Reading a good story aloud to siblings can be the foundation for dramatic imaginative play activities, art, and discussions.  

            We are fortunate to live in a community that provides many opportunities to learn more about history, nature, and climate.  We have Vasquez Rocks just down the road where families can hike and learn more about California history, geology, and view the clear night time sky through telescopes.  We have an abundance of local nurseries where families can learn about our weather and climate by studying the growing habits and temperature requirements of the various trees, flowers, and shrubs.  In addition, there are many hiking trails in the surrounding green belt areas that provide additional opportunities for studying nature while getting some physical activity.  Our city also provides very low fee park and recreation activities that provide opportunities engage in art, music, and sports classes. 

            Just remember, in the end, it’s all about learning while you are having fun.  The ultimate goal is to make time for the whole family while reducing sibling squabbles and reliance upon television and computers for entertainment.  So get the family together, involve everyone in the decision making, and beat summer boredom by learning together.

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TEACHING CHILDREN RESPONSIBILITY

by Laurie Adachi, Licensed Educational Psychologist

As seen in the Santa Clarita Magazine

 Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took responsibility for their possessions, followed through with their commitments, owned up to their mistakes, and apologized when wrong?  We all know that human beings are imperfect creatures that make mistakes and yet taking responsibility for those mistakes is so hard for us to do.  What causes us to put so much energy into defending our position but makes it so difficulty to say a simple “I’m sorry”?  Before an individual can accept responsibility, they much perceive themselves as a responsible person.  This is not something we are born with, it must be learned. 

In the past, children had to be responsible.  Children served an important role in the survival of their family.  Young children helped collect eggs and feed livestock.  Older children helped in the fields and tended to their younger siblings.  Life was hard and every able hand was utilized.  Children grew up fast but they also recognized the contribution they made.  Over the last century, our nation has grown in affluence bringing many modern conveniences to our daily existence.  Children’s contributions are no longer viewed as important to the family’s functioning.  Without having a meaningful role, it is difficult for children to develop a sense of purpose and significance. 

Today, dual career and single parent families make keeping up with the household responsibilities almost impossible and children are needed to help to keep the family fed and the home clean.  Parents can and should provide a home life that creates a sense of importance in their children.  As in the past, children must have responsibilities important to the daily functioning of the home such as feeding the pets, taking out the trash, watering the plants, etc.  As long as adults do things for children that they can and should do for themselves, children will not develop a sense of capability, and, therefore, will not learn to be responsible.  However, parents cannot assume that a child, regardless of age, is able to perform a task or carry it through without training.  Training requires that expectations be communicated clearly, specifics be provided on how the job is done, the task demonstrated, and guidelines be provided.  Most importantly the child’s contributions must be appreciated and recognized as integral to the family’s successful functioning, no matter how small. 

Your children can learn to be responsible human beings.  Follow these ideas and you will see a change. 

 

For additional information call Laurie Adachi, MA, LEP, ABSNP at 255-2688

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                        Overworked and Hurried Family

    by Ramona Hall, MA

www.ramonahalleducationalpsychology.com

first published in Santa Clarita Magazine

Many child centered families are making extraordinary sacrifices to provide their youngsters with the best education and enrichment opportunities. Children may be scheduled in classes or sports activities from the time they get home from school until bedtime. Parents’ schedules are as impacted as their children’s due to the press of these activities. The whole family races through life for at least six days out of seven! This frenetic pace increases stress levels for all parties. Parents begin to feel unappreciated and resentful, while children feel rushed and pressured. The result is more family friction and less quality time together.

Balancing the needs of all family members is part of the solution. It is important to pick those commitments which provide the best return for the whole family. Developing “islands of competency” is a wonderful way to improve self-esteem and increase life satisfaction. However, few families have the time or resources which would permit the indulgence of all parties’ needs all of the time. That is why it is useful to prioritize involvement so that parents and children have the time to fully explore and develop those areas which will provide the best opportunities for ongoing growth and development. Not all activities are equal. Sometimes, the structured activities which parents choose for their children are a reflection of the parents’ needs, rather than the child’s. 

Another issue is that families who become rushed and over-scheduled find themselves going in different directions much of the time. Normal family routines give way to hurried interactions; parents become frustrated and angry with children who need a much slower pace. The daily rituals such as mealtimes and bedtime become unimportant tasks, sandwiched between dance lessons and soccer games. Yet, these routines are part of the framework for a secure childhood. Maintaining regular routines and honoring family rituals is way to calm the pace and ensure that parents and children have some breathing room each day to play and to reflect.

There is a need to balance child-centered parenting practices with common sense. Prioritizing activities, honoring family routines and rituals, and allowing for some unstructured time each day help families maintain a more balanced, unhurried lifestyle.

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The Siblings of Children with Special Needs

By

Ramona Hall, MA, NCSP

            Siblings of children with special needs face unique challenges and opportunities that are sometimes overlooked by parents and school personnel.  Oftentimes, the special needs sibling requires the lion’s share of family resources in time, attention, and money.  The non-disabled sibling may experience feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt.  But he or she may also develop compassion, tolerance, and acceptance for others.  There are a number of roles which may emerge, three of which are the Parentified Child, the Withdrawn Child, and the Super Achiever.

            The Parentified Child is typically a very responsible individual who performs caretaking tasks for the special needs sibling and may also be in charge of policing the sibling’s activities.  This can provide a positive developmental situation in teaching the non-disabled sibling tolerance, altruism, compassion, and the rewards of responsible behaviors.  Potential negative influences include a childhood that is overburdened with responsibilities and one that lacks opportunities for normal age level social interactions.

            The Withdrawn Child is typically unable to earn parental attention.  This is the child who has a timid temperament and who may be overwhelmed by the disabled sibling’s behaviors or parent demands. This individual will try to put distance between him or herself and the disabled sibling and who may become an underachiever. This child is at risk for anxiety or depression.

            Some children react to the presence of a disabled sibling be becoming the Family Super Achiever.  This is the determined, responsible child who strives to be an exceptional student, athlete, or musician.  This role enables the child to get positive parental attention and recognition from authority figures.  The dangers of this role are that the accomplished individual may become the sole target for all of the parents’ aspirations and goals. 

            Parents and professionals can provide support for the siblings of children with special needs by, first, acknowledging that they too have needs that are based on age and temperament.  These siblings need to have a safe way to work through feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt.  They need a safe, supportive environment where they can try on new roles and practice new skills.  Parents and teachers can search out and provide creative, supportive outlets for play.  And, finally, parents can help the child deal with issues of perfectionism and overachievement.

For more information please call Ramona Hall, MA at 661-222-7332

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Single Parenting

By

Ramona Hall, MA, NCSP

Santa Clarita, California

                What an incredible misnomer arises from the term, ‘single parent’.  In today’s society, the person who raises a child alone is often forced to wear the mantle of two parents, plus bread winner, plus teacher, plus coach, plus chauffeur, plus chef, plus, plus, plus!  It is no surprise that so many single parents find the role of parenthood to be exhausting and unrewarding.  So how can parents put the joy back into the most important job they will ever have?  It starts by acknowledging that no one is capable of being all things to all people and follows with a dose of sensible self-nurturing.

               Parents who are raising children today are expected to provide opportunities for their children that were unheard of a generation ago.  They coach organized sports, provide enriching toys and learning opportunities, help with homework, act as room parent, work outside of the home, look good, eat healthy, and keep a home environment that is not just clean, but nicely decorated.  Modern appliances have allowed us the illusion of more efficient cleaning, while actually raising the standards for acceptable cleanliness.  And, of course, the ubiquitous computers and technological gadgets have opened the door to round-the-clock work and communication demands.  No wonder parents who go it alone feel that there is not enough time in the day to accomplish it all.  So stop trying.

               Prioritize the important jobs and let the rest go.  Parents can and should accept that no person does everything, every day, and does it well.  So why keep trying and failing, while exhausting all of one’s resources.  If one chooses to let the unimportant ‘shoulds’ go, there just may be some time available to concentrate on the tasks that must be done in order for the family to function optimally.  People must eat; people must maintain reasonable hygiene; people must work some for survival and play some for good mental health.  The rest is pretty much optional.

               Self-nurturing is the second component of putting the joy back into parenting.  Single parents often get very proficient at juggling work, children, and home.  However, in the process, they forget to schedule time for self into the day.  As a result, parents continue to draw water from a well that is never replenished.  In time, even the deepest well dries up.  Parents need to take time for themselves every day in order to replenish the source.  How about reading for fun, or watching a movie, dining with friends, taking a walk, solving a puzzle, or just doing nothing?  There is something that each of us would do if we just had a little time for ourselves.  Take that time.  Do it and then enjoy the benefits that a little self love can provide such as renewed energy, optimism, and enthusiasm for life.  Parents owe it to themselves and to their children.

               Parenting is a tough, hands on, learn as you go kind of job.  It is the single most important thing that anyone can ever do.  The end result is society’s gift, a productive, responsible citizen.  Doing it alone makes the parenting job immeasurably more difficult.  But single parents can optimize their labor by keeping focused on priorities and engaging in daily time for self renewal.

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                                          Don't Let Television Control Your Family

by Ramona Hall, MA 

published in Magazine of Santa Clarita

 

 

Since its invention, television has become a pervasive social force. Through television viewing we have common reference points for language, fashion, entertainment, politics, national and international events, and technology. At its best, television can be a wonderful method for learning, communication, and entertainment. However, like all good things (chocolate comes to mind), too much can be detrimental – especially to children. Excessive viewing affects language development, attention span, social skills, and world view. Children who watch less than ten hours of television per week have, on average, better reading skills, are better behaved in school, and are more optimistic than children who watch in excess of ten hours. Sad to say, the average American child watches from twenty to thirty hours of television per week. Fifty percent or more of children ages six through seventeen have televisions in their bedrooms!

If your family is one of the ninety-nine percent of those who have televisions, be aware that there are several things you can do to make the most of your TV viewing. First, make television viewing a planned event. Help children develop a schedule of television viewing and limit it to no more than ten hours per week. Eliminate TV viewing during meals, before school, and during homework. Encourage children to watch pro-social, informational, and low violence programs. Then sit and watch what they watch. Discuss content, themes, social issues, plot, and fantasy elements. Follow with activities that use television programs as springboards for art, dramatic play, reading, and writing tasks.

Television is a wonderful medium for instruction if used wisely. But, too often, families rely upon it to fill-in for more adaptive activities like free play with friends, talking together time, reading, family meals, exercise, and sleep. Its presence is so ubiquitous that it often serves as a sort of ‘white noise’ that provides a constant background for family life. While adults may be less affected by content because of developmental maturation, everyone is affected by the increased noise level and competition for children’s attention. So do be an informed and critical consumer. Television can be a marvelous teaching and social development tool for children if families make a commitment to planned, monitored, and limited viewing.

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 Appeared in Dec 2008 Issue Santa Clarita Magazine

THE GIFT OF YOU

By Shauna Hoffman

2008 has been a year of challenges. We have struggled through adversity, been asked to check our morals ethics and beliefs. Many have had their livelihoods and homes threatened, and many of us have had to realize that the status quo is not so solid Things change. But there is a great realization that is coming from this. It’s the realization that the people in your lives and the way you live your life are more important and more lasting than any material thing. That new realization is the “present” you can give yourself and everyone around you Holiday 2008. In therapy we call it a change in perception. This season is the perfect time to look inside and ask yourself what all of this really means to you. Let all of the commercials, ads and expectations from others and of others go. Now try to decide what a “GIFT” really means to you.

When you search for the perfect “present” to give someone think about what the people you love really need.

This is what I see come through my office door. Kids who say they want this toy or that toy, but all they really want is Dad to come out and play with them for an hour. I have teens that pretend they don’t want to be around their parents, but all they really want is their parents to hear them, acknowledge them and understand them for just one instant. I have parents that crave to balance out their lives to spend more time with their families, yet they just can’t figure out how to do it. I have Moms that just need one hour of time alone to regroup so that they can give back to their families all they need. I see people reaching out to change the world but not taking a moment to change themselves. I see people wanting true gifts… that do not come in a box.

Holiday Season 2008 is an opportunity to see the people in your life and what GIFT would really bring them peace, happiness and joy. After all isn’t that what all of the cards say we want? Reach inside you and find what a “gift” means to you. A beautiful thing will happen. You will see the lights!

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LET’S TALK ABOUT ENJOYING OUR MINUTES

By Ann R. Aronin Hausman, MA, Marriage and Family Therapist,

Educational Psychologist

             According to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, “Attention is the ability we have to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive. We can perceive millions of things simultaneously, but using our attention, we can hold whatever we want to perceive in the foreground of our mind.”  What kinds of things do you attend to in your life?  Are you the type of person who assumes the worst without testing the evidence?  Or, are you able to attend to the positive aspects of a potentially negative situation? When faced with challenging events, although we may be able to think reasonably, the way we perceive the situation can greatly affect our mood and self-esteem.   

            I recently read a book which contained a delightful list entitled, “Little Things That Make Life Worth Living” written by Mark Patinkin, newspaper columnist, Providence Journal-Bulletin. I immediately began to think about the ways in which I

attend to and perceive the minute to minute, daily, and weekly situations that I encounter in my life. I hope this reminds you to cherish the simple joys, laugh out loud, and find positive ways to see people and life events. Sometimes through the midst of all of the excitement, yes, we forget to stop and smell the roses J

 I challenge you to add to this list with your own personal experiences that make your life worth living. Pay Attention! The possibilities are endless!

• Being the first in a crowded supermarket to notice a cashier announcing a newly opened register.
• Hearing the phone ring just as you're sitting down to dinner, then realizing you have the answering machine on.
• Automatic icemakers.
• The service department saying, “No problem. That’s on warranty.”
• Dogs that sense when you are sad and come over to make you feel better.
• Room service.
• The one morning every six months that your three-year-old actually sleeps to 7:30 A.M.
• Terrycloth bathrobes.
• Learning at LAX Airport that your plane is at Gate 1 rather than 322.
• Having nothing scheduled Sunday morning except reading the newspaper.
• Pizza delivered to your door.
• A hot shower when you are freezing.
• That combined smell of . . . new-mown grass . . . and popcorn that hits you when you walk into a baseball stadium.

            For more information, please call 661-287-0124